I don't even know why it hurt me so much. It was so unexpected, I think it shocked me. Even thought I have a boyfriend, I felt like he still loved me...He didn't seem to be the type of guys who says it and doesn't mean it. It's so stupid...I should have known he didn't mean it from the start. I'm dumb and naive.
Well...I should have known something was up when I didn't hear a word from him for more than a week...
Still...this wasn't what I expected.
I guess I'm kinda happy for him in a way...yet I can't help but feel hurt. I'm so angry at myself for believing him.

Aujourd'hui, je etait tres paresseux. Je fais rien!
Je me suis reveille a midi, j'ai habille, lise un peu et j'ai assise sur ordinateur. C'est tout! Vraiment!

Ah, et j'ai ecrit un poeme. Il est dessous:

Staring into the Abyss

Sometimes life gets hard
And for every single of us
Work, stress, maybe death of a friend
And you’re left with wounds to tend

At first they give you time to mend
Everywhere help and sympathy is lent
But then when they see a new trend
They leave and you have to blend

No feelings are left, no emotion
Life goes on with no motion
And staring into abyss like ocean
You realize there’s no devotion

You stop believing in loving creator
And see all around, only traitors
To communicate, you need translator
Now loneliness seems even greater

You realize, you’re still weak
You are no longer all that unique
You need much time to get back on feet
Hope is something you try to seek

You fully ache, yet soul is bare
Like a mind of millionaire,
You are a void, which blocked all the care
No feelings to spare, you can just stare

Time goes on, your hole becomes longer,
Finally, you prove Nietzsche’s strongness
You see it is you, in the abyss
There is something with you amiss.

Aujourd’hui, je oublie mon stylo et j’ai dois écrive avec un crayon dans mon bloc-notes. Voire pire encore, j’ai réalise que j’oublie mon livre de français aussi. Pas étonnant que mon professeur n’était pas content avec moi. J’adore les langues étranges, presque autant que mathématiques. Je leur consacre tout le temps.

J’ai maladie. Mon oreille fait mal beaucoup tout le jour aujourd’hui eeeeeet je ne peux pas comprendre mon camarades de classe. Il 21e siècle maintenant, mais ils sont encore très proches de l'esprit à propos de tout. :( Je n’ai pas espoir qu’ils cessent comporter de cette façon.
…Il ne compte pas beaucoup. Au début, j’étais complètement étonnée, mais bientôt je suis devenu utilisé. Je n'ai jamais eu peur d'être différent, je ne peux pas cacher et résultat est que je ne suis pas ridiculiser car je poursuis néanmoins ce n’est pas facile.

… Je n'ai jamais parlé autant de conneries. Lol. Je crois j’ai juste fatiguée…

Many things happened and I never got around posting.
Firstly, my french classes are over. I had last one yesterday. We wrote a test this firday and I got really high score. Go me!

Secondly, there's this cat at french class...Margo. She's street cat, but they like her and sometimes let her in to be fed. Once, when I saw her, I went to pet her and she accidentally scratched me while playing. It turns out she isn't vaccinated and may be infected...So, I had to go and get 6 needles, have to get one more and then if she isn't dead in ten days, I'm done.
I abso-fucking-lutely hate needles, am scared shitless of them, so you imagine, it wasn't nicest experience.

I bought two new tees yesterday, blue and grey one, they're cute.
Mom went to Germany, Berlin. I miss her and hope she'll bring me presenties! :D
um...I'm constantly horny this few days...Dunno what is wrong with me.
Me and sophie are going to the Art Geni concert this Tuesday, 'tis gonna be fun.

Um...Mine and Matts friendship is officially over. He's backstabbing, pussy-whipped, gutless pet of his girl and I'm done with them both. They broke up, but Matt still has me blocked and is trying to get her back...there was another drama about that..too boring to tell tho.

I'm very bored...That's all, I think. Will add moar later, maybe...

This few days have been hietic and I never got around posting.
I wake up, do my french homework and head to french. Finish at 6 and head to moms workplace, we go together to eat and then head home. I'm so tired that don't have time for anything else and soon go to bed...

Woke up today and was very surprised to notice that the weather is good for once...Sun was shining, the sky was blue...So beautiful...

After french I met up with my 9 friends...2 close ones and 7 just friends. We hung out together the whole day, taking pictures and shit
It was fun, I really missed them...

Nothing much is happening here...I'm just luisetening to people and am disgusted by their low intellect...some things they say...just ugrh.

I got 5 books from library today...3 Sartres and two by Camus...I started one today and hope to finish it soon...
Wanna go running with girls tomorrow at 8 but dunno if I manage to wake up...
Was kinda ill today, but I'm great now so nothing worrisome...Have to head to bed before dad starts yelling...

Je t'embrasse,

Marie

Woke up about an hour ago, as in, at 2pm!!! Fall asleep pretty early yesterday, around midnight, but then woke up at half past 5 and couldn't go back to sleep for awhile. Thinking about shit...

When I opened this I thought I had so much to say, but now I just can't get the words out of me. I think I showed these blog to too many E-friends...

Summer...I'm not enjoying it nearly as much anymore...Having nothing to do kinda sucks. I'm so used to being loaded with work and now...

At least I'm answering a question a day from SAT site and learning new English and French words...lol.
Started reading some fiction story yesterday...I'm on 5th chapter so far. The story is super dumb...well, not really, but close. It's an easy read thought and it's flowing...

Didn't go to Ninos place yesterday evening, even thought I promised her I'd come and she even called. Ugrh...well...nothing I can do now.

Just lazy and bored...I wish I had french every day. I hate this feeling of not having to worry about anything...Funny, huh?

Nearly 8pm and boredom is eating me up.
I just had diner, mom made a really great one. I really missed it. These days I usually eat outside and mom never is home.

I was at my friends place, smoking. Turns out she hasn't locked the door and her parents friends walked in on me smoking!!! Well...Not really...I managed to hide cig before they walked in the room we were in, but still...It was scary! :D

Which reminds me, I haven't smoked in 9 months and after buying a pack 2 days ago, it's nearly half empty already. Don't wanna get addicted, so won't smoke tomorrow...

Today I did nothing worthwhile and I just can FEEL how time goes and my knowledge doesn't increase...strange, huh?

Am talking to an E-friend at the moment who asks to make this post sexy...But can't think of anything...

Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy. <---Here John, just for you. :P

Bored
~M

05/07/08

Went to bed pretty late yesterday, so woke up late today too...it was around noon and I was the only one still asleep.

When I woke up I discovered that mom made pancakes, I lay down on the bed before a huge TV and ate breakfast while watching news and then 'Briget Johns Diary', one of the stupidest movies ever taken, if you ask me.

Anyways...Right now, it's half past 2 and I'm being bothered by the movie mom is watching on the right, by dad constantly calling me from the left and by 5 people trying to chat with me. Ugrh...
As you can see I'm not on my best mood..It usually happens to me when I'm hungry, so don't know what's wrong now, considering I ate...

Nothing much is happening here and I'm bored out of my mind as usual. Thought of going over to my friends place but...too lazy too.

Found the greatest site ever (I was linked to it) http://www.worryaboutyou.com/
Let's hope songies will cheer me up.

xxx Marie

Friday, 4th July.

Today was pretty calm day, like most after school ended (which was a week ago!).

I woke up a bit tired and in pain, yesterday night PMS started. Ugrh... Woke up pretty early for me, considering it's hols, it was 11am if I remember correctly.

I have this habit of showering first thing in the morning every day. During shower I usually thing about what I have to do that day, what will I wear, where I go etc.
Shower is a place to relax, think and wake up...Brush teeth too. :P

Unfortunately today, I couldn't take my shower because of my period, so I dressed and looked into the fridge to see nothing I wanted at the moment.
No one was at home, so I took out my pack of Vogue cigs and smoked. (My parents are againt me smoking, even thought they both smoke. I know it's bad for health, so I do it only occasionally. Here we don't have this whole "smoking will kill you" propaganda going on.)

After a smoke, I opened up computer and looked at e-mails. Opened messanger as usual.
Soon, Nata, our maid who comes twice a week knocked on the door. My dad soon came too. He asked me to go to shop for him and I decided to buy a piece of cake for me to eat too.

After breakfast, I looked at my french homework. Today I had really little to do, just one exercise and dialogue to learn. I quickly did the exercise and went back to computer to chat for a while.

I have french from 3 to 6, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. I'm taking an intensive curse. I'm on A2 level, started learning french a few months ago...
The place where I take french classes is 45 min drive from my apartment so I usually study during the drive. That's what I did today too...

When I got there, few people from our class already where waiting. Nani, the girl who studies in Germany was there too and dispite our argument yesterday she greeted me warmly.
Later, during the class, I discovered that she thinks me to be some kind of Genius because of the school I study in. (For kids with special abilities in math & physics)

Yesterday we wrote a little test in french, apperantly I did pretty well...Nothing I didn't expect but still...

As we have french class for 3 hours, we have one 5 minute break during class. We were learning family members today and Nani was jokingly asking me during break, if I wanted to be her Bell soeur (sister in law)...

After class, me and Sophie (the girl I get on with the best from our class) went to cafe, because even thought I'm considered underweight, I eat a lot and am always super-hungry.

We set there a bit and talked... Then I went back home and looking at the clock discovered it was already 7:40.

Don't really remember what I did later. Mostly spent my time on comp and smoked once.
I usually go to my friends place during evenings to play cards, but can't be arsed to today, so here I am.

Mom just came home while I was writing this. She works too hard, I think...I'm tired and bored. Pretty content too. I don't have to worry because of exams, studies etc. I love summer. <3

I think this is pretty much all for today.

Cheers
Marie

P.S. Happy 4th July to Everyone in USA!

Intro

Heya

Well, I hope no one I know in real life will ever find this blog. Not because I'm going to badmouth them, but I'd like to be fully honest here and not have to pay attention to how much I say.
If someone who knows me WILL find this though, I'm denying this is mine. :P

I'm high school student, currently on holidays.
I love my life and have high hopes for future. I could be discribed as realistic, smart, pretty...Yes, arrogant too. :P

English isn't my first language so I'm sure I will have lots of errors in writing. I'd appreciate it if you point them out.

This blog was created because of my unstoppable boredom and will contain mostly discribitions of my day and my thoughts.

Enjoy
Marie